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Spencer Harrison

This chapter is going to be weird. That is okay. Weird sits in that odd space where things can be new and strange, or new and good. I’m not sure where this will end up. The weirdness comes, in large part, from me. While I enjoy being reflective, I’m less comfortable reflecting about my career, especially from any sort of presumption of having already accomplished something. I guess that also suggests that some of the weirdness stems from the underlying goal of this book and my feeling a bit odd about it. I think I have always struggled with positive feedback. Maybe that’s something. Maybe I never think I’ve reached a goal. In that vein - and my co-authors can share stories - I feel like I fail. A lot. I am not talking about research papers getting rejected, or hypotheses not being supported. That happens. I’m talking about letting other people down. I take that hard. And yet, I still have not fully solved it. So to reflect on any sort of success I have had is hard because it brings up all the failures - specifically failing people - that might have occurred along the way. As a result, I made a choice that aligns with the enjoyment I get from trying to crack a research puzzle. I choose to interview individuals. I tried to find an extreme context of people close to me that could reveal theory about what I do, where I fail, and what the implications might be. At least, that is the scientific justification for what comes next. For academic sensibilities, I will pretend this is real research and not just reflection. To keep this façade, I will offer up the typical headings of an empirical paper. But, since I have already established my weirdness, those headings will be a useful illusion. I plan on making deviations.